1. The Friend of the Girl You Want to Bone
Also known as the C**kblocker, this girl will not let you get a moment alone with your target no matter how bad she actually wants to be alone with you. How fun can it be to go to a party and spend the entire time uptight and trying to keep an eye on other people? In the right situations I like to try and pull a bait-and-switch and end up with the c**kblocker by the end of the night.
2. The Non-Drinker
This guy is just a drag to talk to. He isn’t even the designated driver, and he probably got dragged kicking and screaming to the party, because he had better plans for his friends that night. You approach him and say a friendly “Hey, what’s up man?” and he gives you a boring reply and complains about something going on at the party. This guy needs to get a beer funnel duct taped to his face and fast.
3. The Guy Who Came With the Hot Girl, Just as Friends
This is a whole different type of c**kblocker, and what makes it even worse is that because of him, neither one of you are going to be getting any of that tonight. He will run around making sure she has anything she needs, and making sure that nobody tries to hit on her, because he “loves her like a sister”, meanwhile sneaking a glimpse at her rack every time she bends over, and counting down until he can go home and pleasure himself to the thought. Someone has the wrong idea of brotherly love.
4. The Ridiculously Drunk Girl
Who knows what is going in this particular girls life at the time, but tonight she got way too hammered and everyone around her has to see and deal with the consequences. She will say rude things to other groups of girls, knock things over, cry, fall down and lose her cell phone. Her only redeeming quality is her inhibitions are way lowered, so if you don’t see any vomit in her hair, go in for the kill soldier!
5. The Guy Who Acts Drunker Than He Really Is
This is way worse than the ridiculously drunk girl, since she at least has an excuse for acting that way, but this guy, usually a freshman or just young guy drinks a few beers, and walks around telling people “Whoa, I’m sooooo totally wasted man, I can’t even see straight, how about you? No way you can be as wasted as meeeee!” Shut this guy off from any more beer and see how long it takes to reveal his real level of sobriety.
6. The Guy Who Shows His Balls During Beer Pong
He calls it a psyche out, I call it a gross out. This is unacceptable at an all male Beer Pong table. Ladies, you are always welcome to expose any body part you like to distract the other team.
7. The Guy Who Throws Up and Can’t Even Make it to the Toilet
I have long passed the stage of throwing up, but I’m pretty confident that if I had to, I could certainly make it to a bathroom. This not only adds unwanted stress to the person hosting the party, but can ruin expensive furniture and cause crowds to gather effectively ruining the party entirely.
8. The Guy/Girl That Wants to Talk to You About “Important” World Issues
Look, I understand they are halfway through their first semester of college, and think that their ideas are totally going to change the world, because no one has ever thought of a way to save the animals/rainforest/whales/sea monkeys/dodo bird before, but is this really the appropriate time? I have a beer in my hand. There are great sets of boobs everywhere and the music rocks, but I will give you directions to the closest craft store so you can buy some poster board and magic markers. Then you can make a sign and stand on a street where there might be someone who cares.
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