1. Go as Michael Jackson

Not only did he just die recently, which is creepy enough, but he was just a creepy guy all around, and everyone is still sort of unsure about the whole “little boy” thing. Most people that see you in this costume will probably try to detain you so that you can’t ruin the trick-or-treating fun of any youngsters that night.

2. Stay Home and Hand Out Candy

Obvious the laws of probability say that if you don’t go anywhere, you won’t meet anyone, and this couldn’t be any truer than on Halloween. If for some reason you do end up being stuck home doing this (we pity you) for the love of god, do NOT hand out apples or toothbrushes. Houses get egged and TP’ed for a reason. Crappy candy.

3. Cross-Dress

Remember those little Flintstones chewable vitamins, that actually made it enjoyable to take your medicine? This is sort of like that, but these vitamins only work for one very specific organ, and there is no mini Wilma Flintstone (although if the girl you plan to use these around looks anything like Wilma, please send some pictures). The long story short with this gum, is that is meant to make you go harder, better, longer, and stronger. You know what I mean. $12.

So your in the shower with your lady. Things are getting hot, things are getting hot and things are getting slippery. Literally slippery, she slips in the shower and ruins the whole mood for a couple minutes. There’s only one solution to this problem. Shower Power! Shower Power is a suction cup handle mad to stick on the wall of the shower, so she can hang on for dear life and possibly even have something to bite down on if you’re studly enough. Try it in different places as well, I’m sure it will stick to the fridge too.