Picture this. You’re in Long Beach, California, it’s Saturday night, and you don’t know where to start the party for the night at. Would it ever cross your mind to go to a club especially for overweight women? Club Bounce is just such a club, and although I’ve never been, it’s not hard to guess what goes on inside. I would imagine that a special type of guy frequents this club, and the funniest part is that generally when you see a very large woman, she is usually with a much smaller man. I might have to check this place out though, strictly for *ahem* research purposes.

1. Go as Michael Jackson

Not only did he just die recently, which is creepy enough, but he was just a creepy guy all around, and everyone is still sort of unsure about the whole “little boy” thing. Most people that see you in this costume will probably try to detain you so that you can’t ruin the trick-or-treating fun of any youngsters that night.

2. Stay Home and Hand Out Candy

Obvious the laws of probability say that if you don’t go anywhere, you won’t meet anyone, and this couldn’t be any truer than on Halloween. If for some reason you do end up being stuck home doing this (we pity you) for the love of god, do NOT hand out apples or toothbrushes. Houses get egged and TP’ed for a reason. Crappy candy.

3. Cross-Dress

Everybody dreams of being able to retire early, or even better, right now, but is it realistic? There are lots of different approaches, but they all have their downsides.

1. Injure Yourself On Purpose

Sure it may be insurance fraud, but are you really going to care when you’re living the easy life collecting disability? They will pay you, because you are unable to work and all it is going to cost you is a normal lifestyle and probably never getting laid again for the rest of your life. At least you never have to wake up to an alarm clock again though.

2. Join a Cult

It may not exactly keep you from having to work, but if you play your cards right you can rise to the top ranks of the cult and people will just be basically throwing you money. Just make sure that after you have everyone’s money and it is time for the suicide pact, that you keep a special cup of Kool Aid with no cyanide in it.

1. The Friend of the Girl You Want to Bone

Also known as the C**kblocker, this girl will not let you get a moment alone with your target no matter how bad she actually wants to be alone with you. How fun can it be to go to a party and spend the entire time uptight and trying to keep an eye on other people? In the right situations I like to try and pull a bait-and-switch and end up with the c**kblocker by the end of the night.

2. The Non-Drinker

This guy is just a drag to talk to. He isn’t even the designated driver, and he probably got dragged kicking and screaming to the party, because he had better plans for his friends that night. You approach him and say a friendly “Hey, what’s up man?” and he gives you a boring reply and complains about something going on at the party. This guy needs to get a beer funnel duct taped to his face and fast.

3. The Guy Who Came With the Hot Girl, Just as Friends

Alcohol could possibly be the greatest invention ever created, responsible for a large percentage of good times to be had by all, but as the best of us now it has it’s downsides too. While most things become more natural to us the more we guzzle, there are a few things that are just made that much harder by all the booze running through our veins.

1. Maintaining Eye Contact

We all try our best at this ladies, we really do, but when it comes down to it, you girls put them out there to be seen, and then expect us not to look. I can usually be on my best behavior and just sneak glances at opportune moments, but once my brain is swimming in hops and barley, it can get a little bit tougher.

See the rest of the 6 Hardest Things to Do While Drunk after the break.