6 Ways to Never Have to Work Again

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Everybody dreams of being able to retire early, or even better, right now, but is it realistic? There are lots of different approaches, but they all have their downsides.

1. Injure Yourself On Purpose

Sure it may be insurance fraud, but are you really going to care when you’re living the easy life collecting disability? They will pay you, because you are unable to work and all it is going to cost you is a normal lifestyle and probably never getting laid again for the rest of your life. At least you never have to wake up to an alarm clock again though.

2. Join a Cult

It may not exactly keep you from having to work, but if you play your cards right you can rise to the top ranks of the cult and people will just be basically throwing you money. Just make sure that after you have everyone’s money and it is time for the suicide pact, that you keep a special cup of Kool Aid with no cyanide in it.

3. Win the Lottery

This is probably the best way to go about it, but also the hardest and requires the most amount of luck. I’ve heard that most people that win the lottery say that in the end they wish that they never did, but they are probably just saying that to keep all of their friends from getting too jealous.

4. Go Postal

Hate your job? Burn the place to the ground. Seriously, it’s the best way to get a free vacation. You get 3 square meals a day, access to workout facilities, community showers, free clothes that people will wash for you and you don’t have to worry about your clothes not being as cool as everybody else’s because they are all the same. The bad part is, you always have to watch your back, in more ways than one.

5. Start a New Life in the Wilderness

You don’t need to be an experienced woodsman, you just need to be familiar with which berries are safe to eat or not. It would probably help though if you had basic skills like starting a fire without matches, crapping in a hole and pleasuring yourself to pictures of naked women that you have carved into the side of large trees.

6. Marry a Rich Woman

There’s no shame in this really. Extra points if she’s hot and a gold medal if she’s younger than you. Just make sure that she doesn’t try and trap you into a prenup. Us men need to be on the winning side of the divorce case once in a while too. Your friends might make fun of you for it, but you have all the time in the world to stroll by their workplaces and make fun of them for working so hard.

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3 Comments to “6 Ways to Never Have to Work Again”

  1. 10-14-2009 at 4:06 am
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  2. 10-14-2009 at 5:11 am
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  3. 10-14-2009 at 10:08 pm
    How to Get out of Work Forever | EgoTV Blog

    […] 1)Injure Yourself on Purpose […]

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