10 Ways to Not Get Laid This Halloween

Buy Now

1. Go as Michael Jackson

Not only did he just die recently, which is creepy enough, but he was just a creepy guy all around, and everyone is still sort of unsure about the whole “little boy” thing. Most people that see you in this costume will probably try to detain you so that you can’t ruin the trick-or-treating fun of any youngsters that night.

2. Stay Home and Hand Out Candy

Obvious the laws of probability say that if you don’t go anywhere, you won’t meet anyone, and this couldn’t be any truer than on Halloween. If for some reason you do end up being stuck home doing this (we pity you) for the love of god, do NOT hand out apples or toothbrushes. Houses get egged and TP’ed for a reason. Crappy candy.

3. Cross-Dress

Some guys actually thinks this helps women see their more sensitive and feminine side, but they want to see that from you emotionally, not physically. You might get a few bonus points her thinking her ass wouldn’t look as fat as yours does in the dress that you’re wearing, but the last thing a girl wants on top of her at the end of the night is the hairier and larger-assed version of herself.

4. Wear a Costume Too Complicated to Actually Take Off

Halloween is party time. People are going to get really drunk on this night, and there is no need to say that motor skills will be at an all time low. If you’re costume is so complicated and difficult to take off, don’t be surprised if she walks out of the bedroom that you’re in and walks back in with someone dressed more appropriately for the task.

5. Steal Candy from Young Kids

Sure, Halloween may be the time for a prank or two, but this will just make you look like a wuss in front of her. Plus kids have really small feet, and when they kick they can really get deep up into the crotch.

6. Spend Too Much Time Fighting Your Costume’s Arch Nemesis

It’s easy to get wrapped up in the charade of your character on Halloween; you picked the character because you like them or have a certain affinity with them. If you for instance go as Batman and spend the whole night trying to thwart the guy who came as the Joker, not only will you forget about the real goal, but you will just look like a big dork to everyone.

7. Win at Bobbing for Apples

We’re men right? Competition is fierce amongst us. There are some things though, where it is better off to just lose though. If you participate in a round of bobbing for apples, it might be a good idea to just graciously lose. No girl wants a guy who is better at bobbing his head and catching things in his mouth than she is.

8. Spend the Whole Night Talking to the Girl Dressed as a Princess

People pick Halloween costumes on things that they consciously or subconsciously want to become. A girl dressed as a Princess just screams high maintenance and will expect to be treated as such while she is in costume. If you are going to target a specific type of girl on Halloween, go for one in a mask. This works to your advantage for many reasons.

9. Break Character

One of the reasons that many losers are able to get lucky on Halloween is that they get the ability for one night only to be something that they are not. If you find yourself amazed that the hot girl is talking to you, and getting turned on by your fake tough guy routine, try to refrain from doing anything that could compromise this.

10. Use Face Paint That Causes an Allergy

If you are going to use any kind of face paint, give it a test run before the big night. The last thing you want is to go out and end up looking even more horrid by accident than your costume actually calls for. If it does cause a breakout, just claim to be the coming-of-age teenage version of your character.

Buy Now Buy Now

We hope you enjoyed this 10 Ways to Not Get Laid This Halloween article! Like us on Facebook!


One Comment to “10 Ways to Not Get Laid This Halloween”

  1. 10-19-2009 at 5:30 am
    Best Costume For Guys

    So true, But I found a great video on what guys CAN wear this year to get girl’s undivided attention.

Read previous post:
Marisa Miller Starts Off Our Daily Link Drop

It's Friday, and we're oh so close to a weekend full of beer, babes and probably a few more things...

Julia Stegner

Julia Stegner isn't the type of girl that would normally catch my attention, as I usually get distracted by girls...